I’ve been encouraged to write this blog by @themodernbloke and I’m glad he’s given me the push. This isn’t a full on autobiography, but I will fill you in with some background and relevant information.

I’m not alone in my story of overcoming adversity. There are thousands and thousands of men around the world that face their own personal struggles and demons every single day. I want to give a massive amount of respect to all men, everywhere. Specifically the ones who are battling seriously demanding circumstances that get up every single day and put on a smile. My story of overcoming adversity is unique only to my own circumstances. Adversity comes in all sorts of shapes, forms and environments.  I want to share my story with you in the hope letting you guys know it’s OK not to be OK.  And that you can get over massive obstacles with help.

Adversity From The VERY Beginnning

I overcame adversity even before I was conceived, turns out my mum was on the pill and I still got made. I appreciate there have been advances in medicine since, but fuck yeah victory number 1 for me! I’ve been doing a lot of study and research into spiritualism and listening to a lot of what’s known as “new age” theories. One of the people I’ve come across in this line of research is a lady by the name of Dolores Cannon. She used to be a hypnotist that would converse directly with people’s subconscious mind. It turns out the subconscious holds all kinds of information and details about past lives and all sorts. One of the big things I’ve learned from her books is that your soul or spirt has probably been on earth before you were you born into the body you have now.

Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, I leave to you. I’m not a religious man, but I do believe in a creator and a higher power and aliens. What she’s found after doing thousands of hours of these sessions are incredible similarities in people’s stories about this not being their first time on earth. This is why people have talents for different things that other family members use the phrase. “I don’t know where they get it from”. Chances are you’ve heard this yourself. It’s because your spirit or souls has been practicing for many, many lifetimes. What I’ve also learned is that your soul or spirit before you’re born has already decided what kind of experiences it wants to try. It choses certain physical conditions, it choses how you’re going to die because it may not have tried that method of death before. I appreciate this can be hard to read and trust me I found it hard as well.

The “Joy” Of School Days

Like most kids, I got the bullying treatment in school. Being from a mixed race background I got a lot of racist comments made towards me and my family. I got in a bit of trouble because of it, I acted out and punched a few of the kids in the face for their comments. One kid I remember I punched so hard in the side of his head that his head cracked a glass window… I don’t condone that behaviour but at the time it felt right. I also got picked on because I wasn’t amazing at football but wanted to join in and I loved being in plays and doing stuff on stage. So yeah school days were definitely not the best days of my life…

What I learned through school from both my parents, was that other people say mean things because they don’t understand. I also learned its ok to fight back when the situation calls for it. Now don’t get me wrong I hated fighting and avoided confrontation as much as I could. But when you let that anger go into a punch that’s directed with venom, it sends a decent message. The adversity I learned to overcome in school was that of small minded, racist people. Who it turned out were actually scared of my potential. And that’s something to remember fellas, you’ve all got amazing potential, the trouble is we let other people and their fears stop us fulfilling that. As kids we tend to believe those around us and let their fears or pessimisms become our own deep beliefs. And that is what happened to me and it’s a great shame.

The Biggest Adversity I ever Faced

I’m fast forwarding again now and taking you to 2008, I’d been back from a year of travelling around Australia for 6 months. I went to a friend at the time’s engagement party, I was drunk and had a good time. When leaving the party there was a genuine sliding doors moment, literally a sliding door moment. In the cab were some friends, they were going onto a club in the next town over. I wasn’t that fussed because I’d been drinking most of the day and wanted to go home. I remember clear as day the boys’ faces in the car holding open the sliding door to the van for me to get in. I chose to walk to the kebab place the other side of the bridge on the high street. Trouble is I never even made the bridge.

Before making it to the bridge the last few things I remember are smelling a really warm evening. You know the smell when it’s been a scorcher of a day and everything smells like heat and a good day. Then talking on the phone with a friend, while getting grief off 3 guys and one of them had on a canary yellow shirt. I remember telling them to fuck off and leave it. Next thing I remember I’m getting picked up by a huge arm of a police officer. When I came to I realised that my money and my phone had been taken. I asked the police officer if he would be kind enough to drop me home, his exact words were these. “No fucking way sir, get in the ambulance you need your head looked at.” With that instruction and him being a big bloke and me not able to stand up straight, I wobbled into the ambulance.

The Outter Body Experience

I remember nothing of the hospital journey, I don’t remember talking to any doctors or nurses on my arrival at hospital. But I do remember them trying to take an X-ray of my head and expecting me to keep still after taking a beating. Eventually they got their scan, then a trauma nurse looked in my ear and saw there was blood inside my ear drum. Then I’ve got another blank period till something seriously freaky happened to me.

I remember being fully conscious but sat up on the curtain rail for the beds in the A&E department. I was looking down at my body and just observing how I looked. My right eye was swollen, blackened and bruised. The right side of my face had all swollen out and really distorted and there was blood on the pillow from a cut on the back of my head. I wasn’t in good shape and yet here I was feeling OK sitting on top of the curtain rail…

What I noticed was that as moved away from my body things hurt a lot less. As I moved nearer my body so things hurt more. I won’t lie to you, it was incredibly tempting to keep moving away from my body and away from the pain. I knew that if I kept going further away I’d leave my body and that would have been it. I wouldn’t be waking up in the body I sit here in writing this now. My great grandma was on her death bed at this point and my parents were due back from holiday. I said to myself that my mum wouldn’t be able to deal with me and Nan dying in a short space of time.

The Power Of Motivation

There was also a girl that at the time I was completely in love with that I wanted to see again. So I had motivation to get back up. (Plus it’s a message that I had received since being old enough to understand words. “Ah it’ll be ok, up you get and carry on” Big props going out to the parents for that little gem!)

We weren’t together at the time of the attack, we had a thing before I left for Australia and even to this day we still share a connection. The combination of wanting to see her and not see my mum devastated by losing both me and Nan prompted me to say to myself a phrase that I use to this day. “Stop being a pussy and wake the fuck up! Your mum can’t deal with you and Nan dying. Let’s fucking do this.” With that I woke up and threw up all over myself, all over the bed, all over the floor and curtain of my cubical. (Just now writing that phrase in the quotation marks has made me well up. It still hits me hard to this day!)

The motivation to not see other people upset because I could have died was unbelievably powerful. It’s made me realise that the genuine desire to help and serve others should massively outweigh your own needs in the right situations. I’m still a big fan of making sure that your own needs are met. You can’t look after other people and have them drink from your cup if it’s empty. Knowing that I had the choice to live in this body or to die was frightening as fuck. But also massively empowering, knowing that I chose life and that even to this day it’s going to be hard. Helping others was my main driver for living. I helped my mum avoid massive grief, I helped the girl I was in love with by being able to see her again. But most importantly I helped myself, it didn’t feel like it at the time. But I really did. I’ve written a separate blog about motivation and it’s power. Check it out here

The Physical Aftermath

It turned out the blood in my ear was caused by receiving 4 fractures to my skull. I lost the hearing in my right ear for life. I lost my balance, hand eye coordination and any sense of confidence or self-esteem and my sense of smell. Add on top of that I lost my circle of friends that night too. All because I went to the police to report being mugged. But people come into and out of your life for a reason, they helped me grow when they came into my life. And helped me grow even more through grief and pain when they left my life. I’ll be forever grateful to that group of boys, we had some amazing laughs, great times away and just did what early 20 year olds were supposed to do.

I had to go through 9 months of rehab learning how to walk, run, catch and gain some confidence again. I went to go see a neuropsychologist who told me that I had sustained some fairly substantial brain damage. That’s why I kept losing my temper at the drop of a hat, I had no patients for anyone or thing that didn’t help me. I would forget a lot of things and then get angry at myself for being forgetful. To this day I still struggle to catch things, but I’ve got better. I lost my shit one day when playing badminton, I fell over a few times I kept missing the shuttlecock and in the end launched the racket against the wall smashing it. I had to do a lot of work with the therapist to get my emotions and my actions back in line.

Then The Mental Aftermath

I suffered near crippling injuries that left me throwing up, dizzy and unable to function as I used to. I was always fit, I got better at football and played a lot, I was running, boxing, kickboxing, playing golf and my job was being a roofer. So I was in decent shape. To have all that activity taken away from you in one night was a brutal experience. I had to deal with the loss of things that I would never be able to do again.

I also had the battle with my own confidence. The only place I ever felt safe outside my house was in my car. I was constantly looking over my shoulders, I was always watching door opening and closing and wanted to know where everybody was. I was anxious, paranoid, depressed, angry, sad, lonely and petrified all at the same time. I had to do a lot of work to get over that and even now when I go out to restaurants I like to be able to see the door. I have to be very particular about where I sit as well now. I have to sit at the right hand end of the table so that I can hear what’s going on. To have to tell people that you’re deaf in one ear and need to sit in certain places used to be incredibly embarrassing for me. And quite often, rather than make a fuss, I’d just sit where ever. But when I did that, I missed out on half the conversation, half the jokes and banter around the table. This again fuelled more paranoia and anxiety because I couldn’t join in the banter. It was a brutal cycle that took me a good 5 or 6 years to break and to be comfortable telling people where I need to sit and why.

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The Power Of Support

My brother, my best friend a girl I was seeing, the girl who I was in love with, my circle of new friends, parents and my therapist all saved my life after this attack. I don’t know if they know just how much they have actually done for me. But I do message them and let them know that I’ll always have a special place in my heart and soul for them. They kept me on this planet in this skin and without them I know that I would have ended it for myself a long time ago.

I go through every single day in pain with my head. It’s like someone is driving a knitting needle from the base of my skull to the middle of my brain. I have tinnitus in my ears all day every day and every now and then a loss of balance. I keep going because of a phrase that the girl I was seeing before Australia said to me after she came to see me. “Keep getting up” I’ll never forget it, I’ve even had it tattooed on my arm. (Again welling up now)

Without these people being around me at the time, I would have fallen apart and not made it through the hardest time of my life.

Never ever be afraid to let people into or out of your life that your gut instinct is telling you to.

As a man you have to be willing to be vulnerable to people. Once you show that you’re a human and don’t mind having a cry or just being true to yourself. They don’t mind if you actually ask for help and your life will get so much better!

My 2020 Mission

This year I wanted to undertake some spiritual growth and to not be afraid of what I might discover. Growing up I was always petrified of evil spirits and ghosts, it’s taken a lot of time to accept that I might need to face them to evolve. Since taking the steps to accept it amazing things have happened during my guided meditations.

I’m no longer fearful of what might happen because I have faith in my spirit guides. My nature is one of protection and looking after people. I know that my guides are doing the same for me. This might all sound a bit hippy-fairy but I can assure that since learning about the spirit world, guides, vibrations, letting go and surrender. I’m much, much happier despite, lockdown, despite financial struggles and my physical and mental challenges I face every day.

What I’ve accomplished since the attack has been remarkable given the state of my injuries. And that’s a quote from someone else. I’ve been able to play football, golf, cricket and racket sports again. Not quite to the same standard, but the joy of just being able to play surpasses the standard I’m playing. After having it taken away from me, I genuinely love every minute of being competitive again.

My mission is to keep going on my spiritual journey. To educate other men about the benefits of losing fat, balancing their hormones, being active and also how to embrace feelings. I have a vision of creating a safe space for men to come and talk about whatever they want. A place to speak without judgement, without fear of criticism and to actually get some answers if they want them.

Summit It Up
Over coming adversity is about your mind-set, your programming and what your values are as a man.

If you have good values and beliefs and you know that you’re a positive contributor to the world. You’ll overcome adversity. There are loads of celebrity examples of rags to riches stories and 2 that inspire me the most are Kevin Hart and Grant Cardone. Both of the guys are building multi-million dollar empires. And both had it rough growing up, they had to overcome some horrendous issues and find their feet. Now they’re providing the inspiration for millions of others.

Once you find your true purpose, you’ll move mountains to do what you need to do and feel happy. Right now for me, I’m loving writing these blogs for my site and getting knowledge out of my head and giving it potentially to the entire world.

Find your purpose, define your own values and you’ll always find a way to overcome adversity.

If you want to discuss anything in this article or want to find out how I can help you please get in touch.

Big love