It’s no secret that I’ve not been posting on the socials as much as I should have been lately. The reason for this is that I just didn’t feel like it. I’ve given myself permission to not be ok and the way empowers me is a great feeling. I didn’t want to put any negativity out there and being quite a private person I also needed to do my healing in private. Also, I needed to earn some money, any person that says to me that money isn’t important I don’t really have the time of day for any more. Money is massively important!! Without it you’re limited in your choices of what you can do. But with it, it enables you to be more of what you are to your core.

If you’re a dick, money enables you to be a bigger dick. If you’re generous, money allows you to be more generous. For me it’s definitely the latter, I love to look after people and help out where I can. I’d give you the shirt off my back if it meant that you would benefit and I only suffered temporarily.

My Dilemma

I’ve been a personal trainer for 15 years, I’ve coached professional athletes and fighters, celebrities, business owners and stay home parents. I’ve earned a good living personal training I embarked on a project with that failed and then covid hit the world. I didn’t realise that I hadn’t protected myself against financial hardship of not being able to train my clients in person. I hadn’t really set up online training and didn’t plan well at all! I barely survived on universal credit and the odd online client here and there, I was spanking the arse out of my overdraft and mounting up credit card debt. Throughout 2020 I had been applying for job after job after job with zero success not even an interview or call back. To say that my faith in my own ability and skill was wavering somewhat would be an understatement.

Enough was enough and in October while scrolling through jobs I saw one that was £120-£150 a day delivering parcels for amazon. I thought to myself, just apply, its coming up to Christmas and you need money. But what I also realised was that I needed some purpose to my day and a reason to get up in the morning. I’ve been doing this job on a self-employed basis now since the middle of November and I’ve since been dubbed “Mr fucking positive” and I love it! I never complain about the weather, I never complain about the route, I never complain about the customers. I am genuinely grateful and appreciative every day that I can go into work and earn some money. I can give back to myself with little treats. I can pay back my debts, I can contribute to the food shopping and cost of running a house. But most importantly I can help other people at the same time. But only after I’ve made sure that I look after myself first.

My dilemma was short lived. Do I maintain the status that I’m a high end really, really good personal health consultant not earning any money and struggling to pick up new online clients? Or do I forget my so called status and actually do what I need to put food back on the table? To me the answer was pretty simple.

Other People’s Limited Views

During my time of applying for jobs I applied for anything that was paying over £100 a day. I applied for a bin man job (huge waiting list for that I didn’t realise), labourer in a steel factory, postman, sorting room attendant, builders labourer you name it. One of the responses I got from a family was this, and I quote directly…. (C’mon Dean, do you really want to be working in a steel factory as a labourer?) Let’s say that I put my point across of need money and this would only be a temporary thing with a little bit of fire and attitude would be putting it mildly ha-ha. I blew up and went mental, I let out my feelings about the need to earn some money and just get out of the house and have my own head space. I’m very much in tune with people’s energies and feelings and I need time on my own to decompress and let those out. When somebody challenges a decision I’m making that will benefit me and make me feel a whole lot better about myself. I let them have it both barrels. I had a peer and friend of mine also tell me this. I’m not having you be an amazon delivery driver. You’re too good at what you do for that, c’mon Dean.”

Not being funny but I’ve met and aeronautical engineer, a professor and several people with various degrees from professional jobs that because of Covid aren’t able to do their regular work that they’ve trained in. So now they’re earning £120 a day dropping off parcels.

I’m only giving you these two examples bit there have more than that. It really surprised me how negative people can be and how limited their views are that just because you’re trained in a certain thing. Or you’ve held a certain position that you shouldn’t change that to take a “lesser” position. Even if financially and mentally it serves you better than your current situation.

Mental Health Benefits

The difference taking this so called lower or lesser position of a delivery driver has been huge to my health! I’ve lost weight, somehow doing a delivery driving job I’m racking up 17000 steps every day. I’m under 16 stone (101kg)for the 1st time in about 6 or 7 years. I’m sleeping better, some of this is because I know I’m earning money again. Some of this is because I’m tired but satisfied after a shift as well.

As a man actually having a purpose to my day has made a huge difference to my sense of value. To some I might only be dropping off parcels to amazon customers. But to me I’m bringing a little bit of reward to each person that’s treated themselves to a little something. I’m also giving myself a means to earn money (I may have mentioned this a few times now) but more importantly I’m meeting new people, some of them are not for me. I don’t spend time talking to the negative among the group of drivers also working for the logistics firm. But I don’t need to, I’m not there to take friends with everybody. I’m there to make my own money and if people pick up on the positivity I’m giving off I love it. If they try to bring me down, I ask them, “what went well for you today” love doing that because it completely throws them off course from their moaning. Normally I’ve left by the time they try and answer because I’m refusing to spend unnecessary time with moaners and complainers.

Having purpose or the lack of purpose that covid had forced on a lot of people. I believe is one of the biggest reasons people’s mental health has been suffering. From the dawn of the humans, we’ve always had a purpose to the day. Whether that’s been hunting, foraging, making babies, prepping land for crops, looking after livestock. We as a species have always had a job to do. It’s hardwired as a survival skill to do something. When that’s taken away from you you’re losing part of you purpose to exist. That’s my opinion anyways.

Summing It Up

Removing your ego and letting go of a so called status and not allowing other people’s perceptions of you and what you’re doing can only benefit you. For me it’s been a genuine revelation and made me so happy to actually not be the nice and try to please everybody and put myself and my needs first. I read in a book that ego actually stands for edging God out. With some of the learning I’ve been doing it kind of makes sense now. I’m not saying that I’m converting to any kind of religion. Because I think religion causes more problems than it fixes. But believing in a God or higher power whatever you want to call the creator of all things has made a massive difference to me personally. More on this in other videos and other blog posts as I discuss my healing and my new found faith.

What I’m saying guys is this, listen to that voice in your head, take the action that you need. If you know deep down to your core that the action will benefit you, fuck what everyone else says or thinks. That’s a reflection of their map of the world and their beliefs, not yours.

As always, any questions about this, drop me an email on info@coachingformen.net and I’ll get back to you personally.

Big love

Deano.