Dean Rahaman
Personal Health Consultant
Men’s Physique Coaching

Men’s Mental Health 

Men’s Hormone Optimsation

When I was kid, I always believed in a higher power, but I wasn’t ever sure who or what that higher was. In my quest of healing and seeking some answers I’ve been down a few rabbit holes now and it’s been a journey that’s scared the shit out of me, made me cry and made me feel immense love and connectivity.

What kicked off the journey?

My marriage ending, through behaviours of me being a twat to both myself and my ex-wife is the short version. Let me explain why I’ve been a twat to myself and let me introduce you to nice guy syndrome. Firstly you need to recognise is a collection of signs or symptoms all grouped together under one banner. Nice guy syndrome is a combination of self-denial, self-loathing, suppressed and unexpressed and unfulfilled desires (both sexual and non) It’s always putting other people’s needs before your own and a lifelong need to feel popular and accepted. I found a a book by Dr Robert Glover called “No more Mr nice guy.” It was like he’d read out my entire life in this book. But what was incredible was the fact that I clearly wasn’t the only man going through this.

The book was a revelation, I finally had some clarity about why I’d been behaving the way I had my whole life. I had some of the answers as to why I suppressed my urges, some of this was also joining the dots from a lot of psychological study that I’d done to better serve my clients. But a combo of my own study and the nice guy book, gave me some answers.

As much as religion helps, I believe it also hinders.

Step 1 into my healing

Attend a no more Mr nice guy group. This was a big step for me after the wife and I had separated and I moved out. I went to this men’s group in London and I didn’t know what to expect, I was nervous but also excited to get some answers and hear from other men and their struggles. Within 10 minutes of meeting the guy running the group I took an instant dislike to him. I could feel the disingenuousness oozing off him, my empath abilities coming straight to the rescue there. Loved it! My gut feeling was proved right when in less than 10 minutes he was bragging about how went on a date at lunch with a girl 25 years younger than him. And how he’s having multiple long term relationships and he’s still friends with his ex-wife that cheated on him. Blah blah fucking blah. I didn’t go to this group to listen to a guy in 50’s talk about dating a 25 year old.

Anyway I got my turn to speak in the group and I broke down and cried telling my story. I had finally vocalised and spoken words that had been burdening me for a long time. I felt incredible relief but didn’t walk away with any solutions, just an offload. Which when looking back, was exactly what I needed. The next 2 men’s groups that I attended were via zoom during these two zoom meetings the guy running the meetings and me got into it a little bit because I was seeing through his façade. He wasn’t providing help and solutions for these men. All he was doing was asking questions to get to the root cause of people problems which is fine and needs to be done. I do it with my own clients, but what he was failing to do was to provide any type of solution other than to attend his £400 mens bootcamp thing. And that lack of integrity some somebody in a position of trust doesn’t sit well with me. After the 3rd group meeting I attended we had a full blown heated row in front of the other attendees of the meeting and I exposed what he was doing. Soon after I was ejected and then I removed myself any association with his group. And that’s also what started the coaching for men business that I run now.

“Religion cannot stand spirituality. It cannot abide by it. For spirituality may bring you to a different conclusion that a particular religion- and this no religion can tolerate. Religion encourges you to explore the thoughts of others and accept them as your own. Spirituality invites you to toss away the thoughts of others and come up with your own.”

Neale Donald Walsch, Author of conversations with God.

Step 2 into the healing, Embracing my inner female.

As strange as it sounds, I wasn’t a whole man because I’d only been embracing my masculine energy and I’ll tell you why. In a previous blog I spoke about how my dad crushed any desire of mine to want to sing and perform with one throw away comment and question to my mum and Nan. For me in my little 5 or 6 year old mind this was rejection from my dad. The little boy brain says for me to have my fathers acceptance I cant behave like that any more. So I didn’t, I stopped going for school plays even though I loved it, I stopped singing and dancing. I did my utmost to get better at science and sport because that’s what my dad excelled at. Even writing this paragraph I can feel my eyes welling up 30 years after that comment was made. Over the last 30 years I’ve denied a whole side of my personality through fear that my dad would reject me. As such I’ve embraced all things male, sports, drinking, being practical and fixing things and not doing anything girly.

What this has done has forced me into being super analytical, shutting down my empath abilities, not being able to really enjoy a moment, not being creative and never being satisfied because I can’t just enjoy the moment. I have to analyse the bollocks off it rather than just enjoy it.

I discovered this after listening to a few Dolores Canon books and discovering a hypnosis technique called QHHT. Quantum hypnosis healing therapy, this is where the practitioner takes you through your death experience, through some past life experiences and then speaks to your higher self or the soul that’s inhabiting your body. A bit more on this later. But this therapist told me that I’m very masculine in my energy and I’m not balanced.

I also attended a 3 plant healing ceremony which was phenomenal and I’ll detail that one out in another blog. Essentially you get given 3 types of plant medicine then get taken through a guided meditation. That guided meditation was incredible after the plant medicine straight out of the amazon. It wasn’t cheap but it was incredible! The practitioner there I’d highly recommend you follow her name is Indianna Hill and she runs @consciouslycommit on Instagram. She also told me that I don’t trust and I can’t let go which is a hugely male energy trait and I’m not able to just let go and trust which is a female energy trait.

What I’ve learned is that to be a healthy and balanced man, you need to embrace both energies and allow your female energy some air time. Don’t bury your inner woman!! The yin and yang is the perfect analogy here. Light and dark exist in perfect balance, up and down exist in perfect balance, fire and water exist in perfect balance, masculine and feminine need to be in perfect balance.

Step 3. How to release the inner woman.

Have no fear guys, allowing the feminine energy to come through won’t change your personality or make you want to start dressing like a woman. For me it’s come in the form of drawing. The QHHT practitioner leant me a book called drawing from the right side of the brain and I fully embraced it. I spent money on all the proper kit and got well into it. Even if you can’t draw like me, and I was genuinely shocking this book will teach you how to shut down the analytical side of your brain and open up the creative side. You know that you’re doing this when you start to lose all track of time. You’re genuinely in a moment and time doesn’t matter, you forget all about it.

The QHHT practitioner also told me to get hold of the books conversations with God. Which have been a full on revelation. It doesn’t necessarily teach you how to balance your male and female energies. But it does give you great guide and moral compass about what’s right and wrong. Also that fear and guilt are the biggest detractors from the human experience. The more you embrace love and unity with all things the more you attract positive things into your life. It’s really helped me to change my perceptions on a lot things that really used to bother me. Now I realise that it was my own masculine energy forcing issues rather than actually trusting the process and enjoying the process.

The combination of the book, allowing my emotions to actually come to the surface. To cry when I feel like crying, to sing when I feel like singing, to punch the fuck out of stuff when I’m stressed has been such a healthy outlet. I feel much more balanced within myself, I feel happier and more complete. I don’t need the love of another to feel validated. And I also don’t feel that I need to the saviour of others. Which in my past I felt was my obligation, to put everyone else’s needs before my own. Now I know that I can’t help people if I’m not happy or whole myself. If I love myself then it means that I can love others, if I love others then it means I really want to help them. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Step 4- unlearning religion, learning about the soul and ruffling feathers

After listening to the conversations with God, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that religion is a very man made construction. Designed purely for systems of control over people religion changes for whatever the needs of the church are.

According to the conversations with God, Jesus was a real guy, the bible twisted the facts of what happened and what he actually did and what he actually stood how much knowledge and connection he had to the divine source. The church and various churches around the world seem to bend and the change the rules of what’s a sin and what’s not based what best serves the church. Not on what’s best for the people seeking guidance and “salvation” from hell. Which by the way doesn’t exist, nor do the Ten Commandments according to the book. What I had to unlearn was the fact that there are no signs in the eyes of god. Laws are made by men to govern men, in the eyes of god there is no wrong doing given an individual’s own perception of the world. This is found really hard to swallow, because to me there are somethings that are just plain wrong and unacceptable. But god will not interfere with human free will and allows us to make our own choices.

When we die we are not judged and then condemned to a life of eternal torture, when we die according to the work of Dolores Canon and from the conversations with God books. When we die, we leave our body, we can be in the room of where we died. We still have our own thoughts and we still have our own personality. We are greeted by our spirit guides and looked after. The moment your soul leaves your body there are reports of a sense of joy and euphoria and your soul wonders why everyone feels so sad because you feel amazing now. I’ve been through some past life regression sessions myself and they were not in the slightest bit scary. All I felt was warmth and love and I saw a lot of people in different lifetimes and found it fascinating to and a privilege to able to witness what I did. I can’t wait to go back for more sessions!

Unlearning religion and learning spirituality has been an incredible healing gift that’s been bestowed upon me. I’m genuiney grateful I’ve found the books I have and met the people I have. The more I learn about spirituality the more I realise I have so much more to learn. I want to get into crystals, tarot cards, magic mushroom, ayahuasca and more to help me connect back to my soul and realise my true soul purpose and why I came to earth in this body. Why my soul chose this family to be born into, what do I have to learn from them and what can they learn from me in return?

Step 5 joining the dots and finally accepting god but not religion

Since I’ve accepted God the creator into my life I’ve noticed beauty in small things that I never used to pay any attention to. I’ve been happier and I’ve been much more thankful for everything that happens. And that includes shutting my finger in the back door of a Mercedes sprinter and almost cutting it off.

Some of the lessons I’ve taken away from the Dolores Cannon books, being a nice guy not a good guy and the conversations with god books are the following

  • We’re all connected. To wish hurt on another thing is only wishing hurt on myself. So be kind and love everything. Even the creepy crawlies, they have their purpose and their place on this earth for a reason.
  • Religion helps a lot of people but hurts just as many. We’re natural creatures with natural impulses and urges. To deny them is to deny existing and to deny ourselves pleasure. Why would the creator of all things create the pleasure of sex and then tell us that its bad to do…
  • There is no reason to fear death, there is a whole world and universe of being outside of our mortal flesh and bones that is paradise. There is no judgement on the other side, there is simply a review of what you did during that lifetime. It’s almost you and your mates sitting in the pub after a game of football analysing what happened. Who did what and why. Your soul does the same after you leave this game of life.
  • Wanted and needing leads to more wanting and needing. Rather saying to god or the universe you need or want X, Y and Z. say that I am ready for X, Y and Z to happen. I am is the most powerful statement you can think and say.
  • Always question the motive of a person in a position of trust. Not everyone out there who says they’re going to help you has your best intention at heart. They might well be trying to line their own pocket.
  • You have immense amounts of value and experience! You have so much to offer back to the world, let it be out there.

 

I’m going to wrap it up there because this is a blog post not a book. I hope this has helped you guys, as always if you have any questions about anything that I’ve covered please fire your questions over to info@coachingformen.net and I’ll make sure to reply to you personally.

Big love.

Deano .

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